Year of the Spark: June 19
by Sparky Army
Summary: Unspoken words mean so much more.


_We, the Sparky Army, decree 2008 to be the Year of the Spark. We pledge to post a new sparky story or chapter of a sparky story every day from January 1, 2008 to December 31, 2008. Though the Powers That Be have removed Elizabeth Weir from the regular cast of Stargate Atlantis, we feel that she remains an integral part of the show, and that the relationship between her and John Sheppard is too obvious to be ignored. We hope that you, and anyone might happen to read these works, agree. _

_And if that isn't official enough for you, we don't know what is. Seriously, guys, we're just trying to have some fun--and show TPTB that Sparky is the way to go. So sit back and enjoy the 366 stories coming your way!_

AN (sparkly): You know how John and Elizabeth never have _those _conversations, like after The Long Goodbye, or Conversion? or The Real World? Well this is my explanation as to why! I was quite happy that I managed to turn even that into Sparky, lol.

**Things Unsaid**

By sparklyshimmer2010

"_Still up huh?"_

"_Oh, hey. Yeah I wasn't all that keen to go back to sleep just yet."_

"_Understandable."_

"_I'm glad to see you've been released from quarantine."_

"_Yeah. Well, I guess the nanites were too focused on you to spread to me."_

"_I now realize just how insidious they really are. I mean, if such a small number of them could do that to me ..."_

"_Let's just take it as a win right now."_

"_Alright. Still, I can't believe I was only out for five hours."_

"_Felt longer, huh?"_

"_Yes. A lifetime."_

"_Well, it's good to have you back in the real world. At least, I _think_ it's the real world. I could be infected right now, which makes me the one…"_

"_John…don't."_

"_Sorry."_

As I walk away, watching her run her fingers over that silver pocket watch, I curse to myself at what I had said to her. It had been an inappropriate joke… and I hadn't offered any support.

But that's how it always was. Whenever we talked after a particularly hard incident it was dangerous territory. I'm terrible with my feelings, but I would have sacrificed all my discomfort to actually _talk_, if I didn't think it would have ruined everything. But I couldn't just drag her into my arms and hold her 

tight. I couldn't tell her how scared I was. I couldn't show her exactly what I felt. _It would have ruined everything. _

Instead, I always stood by and gave her silent strength and maybe a promise she'd be alright, which I'd try damn hard to prove true, but in the Pegasus Galaxy I knew her heart would keep getting twisted from all the many things that go oh so wrong.

There were many times that I thought I might not come back, or times I was worried about her well being. All the while I would play in my head over and over the times before when we left things unsaid.

The first time was when I had that damn bug feeding off my neck. I almost told her how much I cared, even after such little time of knowing her. But in the end I was alive and I kept my mouth shut.

When Kolya had her hostage I shot the bastard and she fell to the floor. There I gave the promise she'd be ok. I did surprise myself with taking her hand. Never had I seen her so in need of comfort. But we never said anything about how I reacted to her 'death'.

Chaya…well that's obvious. If we got to talking about my love life it would be very easy to slip on a few words. After I left Chaya the last time, I avoided Elizabeth for a week. She never said a word about it.

And I'm sure Elizabeth avoids those situations same as me. We're both scared of what might happen, what might be said. We feel we're better off not knowing. I've noticed though she's more comfortable with contact then I am. She's more open. That hug during the siege…I suppose it was safe in the middle of the gate room, but it left me aching for more. I had hesitated, and then I never wanted to let go, hence why these predicaments are dangerous territory.

On our way back to Atlantis from Earth, we were stuck on that ship for a month. I know neither of us had the best time while there. She mentioned her ex. We were friends. We could have talked. We didn't.

I will never forget when I was turning _into _one of those damn bugs and I choked her. Did I ever apologize for that? No, no I didn't. I could have killed her, but she didn't demand an apology so I never gave one. I couldn't bring myself to face her because what would have come out was how scared I had been after that that she didn't trust me anymore, how angry I was that I was dangerous to her. And I would have mentioned the fact that she had refused to kill me. The fact that she stood by me the whole time.

There was that time I was stuck for six months with Teer and her people. Well Teer was one reason we didn't speak. I didn't want either of us to get hurt by that conversation. And I hadn't seen Elizabeth for six whole months. She doesn't know how much I missed her then. But if I told her that, wouldn't she wonder why I _was _telling her?

And who could forget, or rather let us forget, the time we kissed? Sure it wasn't us, we both knew that. But it was still a very tense and awkward position for us. And she picked me for _some_ reason or other. We could have said _something _about it. But did we? Of course not, for had we, we probably would have ended up in another passionate lip lock, one of our own. And right there was the problem.

A few months back with the whole mess with Michael and the alliance, I first thought I was dead, never to see her again. When we made it to Atlantis I feared the IOA would keep her away. I 'defended her honor'. Of course I was going to. She made a slight teasing comment about it and I remember pausing for a second before brushing it off. Had we talked then, the conversation would most likely have gone to places I frequently think about, but don't dare make reality.

And Lucius? She actually agreed to marry the lying, irritating (and maybe another word) idiot. Sure it wasn't her fault, but I can't help but feel hurt. And then I wonder how she must have felt after it was over. You can guess that we didn't say anything after this incident either.

So after this episode with the nanites, where I feared I might lose her, I want to tell her I love her, that I need her. But the reason why we never talk is because it all leads to that forbidden place locked away deep in our hearts. We can't talk because there's always that need for more that draws us closer. Closer is something we can't afford. We don't talk because, at the very least I, would do something stupid. Our emotions would run free, and they're simply not allowed to.

We don't talk because it would ruin the relationship we have right now and that's the most precious thing in my life.


End file.
